1
00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:05,476
OH-HO-HO.

2
00:00:41,072 --> 00:00:42,443
(snores)

3
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,207
♪♪♪

4
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,416
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
CLOSE FOR MAMA.

5
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:29,189
YOU ARE NEVER GONNA
GET THAT ZIPPED UP.

6
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,292
DANA, I'VE GOTTEN JIM
INTO HIS CHURCH PANTS

7
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,424
FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.

8
00:01:34,425 --> 00:01:36,566
AAH! HA!

9
00:01:36,567 --> 00:01:39,169
ALL RIGHT, BABY,
GO PUT THAT BY THE DOOR

10
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:41,572
SO IT'S READY FOR YOUR
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TOMORROW.

11
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:47,537
IT'S TOO HEAVY.

12
00:01:47,538 --> 00:01:49,439
ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO.
READY?

13
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,511
AND... GO!

14
00:02:00,451 --> 00:02:01,851
OKAY, GIRLS, COME ON.

15
00:02:01,852 --> 00:02:03,323
I'LL HELP YOU PICK OUT
CUTE OUTFITS

16
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:05,325
FOR THE BOYS TOMORROW.

17
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,826
I HATE BOYS.

18
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,299
YEAH, I KNOW, BUT ONE DAY
YOU'RE GONNA FALL IN LOVE,

19
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,301
GET MARRIED AND LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER JUST LIKE ME.

20
00:02:11,302 --> 00:02:13,833
WILL I BE JUST LIKE YOU,
BUT NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT?

21
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,306
SORRY, GRACIE,
I CAN'T HEAR YOU

22
00:02:16,307 --> 00:02:19,310
OVER THE SOUNDTRACK
TO MY PERFECT LIFE.

23
00:02:21,612 --> 00:02:23,443
CHERYL, CHERYL,
CHERYL, CHERYL! WHAT?

24
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,714
GREAT NEWS!

25
00:02:24,715 --> 00:02:27,917
ONE OF MY CLIENTS GOT CAUGHT
CHEATING ON HIS WIFE.

26
00:02:27,918 --> 00:02:29,449
LONG STORY SHORT,

27
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,182
HE'S MEETIN' WITH
HIS DIVORCE LAWYER TOMORROW,

28
00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:35,585
AND I GET HIS TICKETS
TO THE CUBS GAME!

29
00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:36,826
OH, NO!

30
00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:37,827
YEAH!

31
00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:39,859
GOD, DO THEY HAVE ANY KIDS?

32
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:43,293
THIS IS THE BEST PART.
THEY DO!

33
00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,695
A SON,
SO THERE'S THREE TICKETS.

34
00:02:45,696 --> 00:02:47,697
SO ANDY AND I
ARE GONNA TAKE KYLE

35
00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:49,199
TO HIS
FIRST BASEBALL GAME,

36
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,541
HIS FIRST CUBS GAME EVER,
TOMORROW!

37
00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:53,573
WELL, TOMORROW, NO, NO, JIM.

38
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,745
TOMORROW'S KYLE'S FIRST DAY
OF KINDERGARTEN.

39
00:02:55,746 --> 00:02:57,907
WHAT'S HE GONNA LEARN,
HOW TO TAKE A NAP?

40
00:02:57,908 --> 00:03:01,281
I'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING HIM
IN THAT SINCE BIRTH.

41
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,313
NO, NO,
THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

42
00:03:03,314 --> 00:03:05,315
IS WHEN THEY LEARN
WHAT'S EXPECTED OF THEM

43
00:03:05,316 --> 00:03:07,457
AND EVERYBODY PAIRS OFF
WITH THEIR NEW LITTLE FRIENDS.

44
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:09,759
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT HE BE THERE.

45
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:10,920
COME ON!

46
00:03:10,921 --> 00:03:12,692
IT'S NOT MORE IMPORTANT
THAN A FATHER AND SON

47
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,294
GOING TO THEIR
FIRST BALL GAME TOGETHER,

48
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,695
THEIR FIRST CUBS GAME.

49
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,967
WELL, LUCKILY,
THIS IS AN EDUCATION ISSUE,

50
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,569
WHICH MAKES IT MY TERRITORY.

51
00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:21,831
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THIS IS A CUBS ISSUE,

52
00:03:21,832 --> 00:03:22,972
A SPORTS ISSUE.

53
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:25,305
AND ACCORDING TO
OUR WEDDING VOWS

54
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,837
AND THE GENEVA CONVENTION,

55
00:03:27,838 --> 00:03:30,440
THAT IS MY TERRITORY,
YOUNG LADY.

56
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:32,442
OH, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TAKE HIM ON SATURDAY

57
00:03:32,443 --> 00:03:34,314
WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE SCHOOL?

58
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,316
CHERYL, THESE ARE
FREE TICKETS.

59
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:39,719
THEY ARE FRONT ROW TICKETS,
RIGHT THERE BY THE DUGOUT.

60
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,721
20 YEARS FROM NOW,
KYLE'S GONNA BE ABLE

61
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,723
TO TELL HIS FRIENDS
HE WAS SO CLOSE TO THE DUGOUT,

62
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,755
HE COULD TAKE
DUSTY BAKER'S TOOTHPICK

63
00:03:45,756 --> 00:03:47,457
RIGHT OUT OF HIS MOUTH!

64
00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:48,998
YEAH, AND I'M SURE
ALL THE OTHER

65
00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:52,332
SCHOOL-SKIPPIN' FRY COOKS
WILL BE DULY IMPRESSED.

66
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:58,308
CHERYL, I BELIEVE FRY COOKS
ARE A VERY IMPORTANT PART

67
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:02,443
OF THE SHINING CITY ON THE HILL
THAT I LIKE TO CALL AMERICA.

68
00:04:04,475 --> 00:04:07,717
NOW KYLE IS GOING
TO THAT GAME TOMORROW,

69
00:04:07,718 --> 00:04:10,751
AND THAT IS FINAL.

70
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,759
(stomps foot)

71
00:04:21,732 --> 00:04:23,594
VETO.

72
00:04:27,498 --> 00:04:29,969
I SEE.

73
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,601
THE VETO?

74
00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:33,603
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
VETO.

75
00:04:33,604 --> 00:04:35,905
KYLE'S GOING
TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

76
00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:36,977
CHALLENGE!

77
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,511
GROUNDS?

78
00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:44,013
YOU DON'T HAVE THE VETO.
IT'S MY TURN.

79
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:45,785
NO, NO, JIM.

80
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,618
LAST THURSDAY,
I SAID KYLE COULD NOT PEE

81
00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:51,721
IN THE CHUCK E. CHEESE
PARKING LOT.

82
00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:53,663
YOU SAID "VETO."

83
00:04:53,664 --> 00:04:56,796
NOW WE CAN'T
GO THERE ANYMORE,

84
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,029
AND THE VETO REVERTS TO ME.
CHALLENGE DENIED.

85
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:01,871
CURSES!

86
00:05:01,872 --> 00:05:03,673
MM-HMM. YEAH.

87
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:06,436
I'LL DROP HIM OFF AT 8.
YOU PICK HIM UP.

88
00:05:06,437 --> 00:05:07,937
APPEAL!
DENIED.

89
00:05:07,938 --> 00:05:09,809
UH, FILIBUSTER!

90
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,543
NOW YOU'RE JUST SAYING WORDS
YOU HEARD ON THE NEWS.

91
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:15,716
INSURGENT!

92
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:23,322
OH, LOOK AT YOU.

93
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:27,457
YOUR FIRST DAY
OF KINDERGARTEN.

94
00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,459
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT ME TO WALK YOU IN?

95
00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:31,601
NOPE, I'M A BIG BOY NOW.

96
00:05:31,602 --> 00:05:33,733
YES, YOU ARE.

97
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,005
AWW...

98
00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:38,908
THAT'S IT.

99
00:05:38,909 --> 00:05:41,471
GIVE HER A HUG.

100
00:05:41,472 --> 00:05:43,813
NO TEARS,
OTHERWISE SHE'LL WALK YOU IN

101
00:05:43,814 --> 00:05:46,377
AND WE'LL MISS
THE FIRST INNING!

102
00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:51,451
PUDDING?

103
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,553
NO.

104
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:56,887
THEN WE'D BE TWO GUYS
IN THE BUSHES EATING PUDDING.

105
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,590
OKAY.

106
00:06:00,591 --> 00:06:02,392
HAVE A GOOD DAY.

107
00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:03,763
I LOVE YOU.

108
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,935
WAVE GOOD-BYE.

109
00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:06,936
THAT'S IT.

110
00:06:06,937 --> 00:06:09,739
LET HER KNOW
EVERYTHING'S FINE.

111
00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:11,972
NO, NO, NO! MOMMY! NOT
ME! WHOA! WE'RE DEAD!

112
00:06:18,809 --> 00:06:21,751
OKAY.
OKAY, WE'RE SAFE.

113
00:06:21,752 --> 00:06:23,753
CHERYL DIDN'T SEE US.

114
00:06:23,754 --> 00:06:27,417
WHEW.
WE ALMOST HAD A DISASTER.

115
00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:32,692
ALMOST? ANTS ARE CRAWLING
ALL THROUGH MY PUDDING.

116
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,625
STILL PUDDING.

117
00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:41,031
HATS!

118
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:45,174
OH, GOOD MORNING, JIM.
HOW ARE YOU?

119
00:06:45,175 --> 00:06:46,776
I'M OKAY, MS. CRAWFORD.

120
00:06:46,777 --> 00:06:50,480
I'M SORRY, WAS THAT
MS. CRAWFORD OR MRS. CRAWFORD?

121
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:52,411
IT'S MS.
I'M NOT MARRIED.

122
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,614
OH.

123
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,617
WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU COULD
TEACH ME THE THREE R's...

124
00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,921
READING, WRITING
AND RRRRR.

125
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,126
UH, MS. CRAWFORD,

126
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,698
THERE'S BEEN A FAMILY EMERGENCY,

127
00:07:08,699 --> 00:07:11,701
AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE KYLE OUT OF SCHOOL.

128
00:07:11,702 --> 00:07:13,533
HIS AUNT IS VERY SICK.

129
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,964
OH, I'M SO SORRY.

130
00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:16,936
SHOULD I HAVE SOMEONE
PULL RUBY AND GRACIE

131
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,510
OUT OF THEIR CLASSES
AS WELL?

132
00:07:21,872 --> 00:07:24,874
THAT'S RIGHT.
UH, YOU KNOW THEM.

133
00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:26,015
UM...

134
00:07:26,016 --> 00:07:27,917
UM, YOU KNOW,
NOT A GOOD IDEA.

135
00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:28,978
NO.

136
00:07:28,979 --> 00:07:32,522
NO, UM, NO, THEY WERE
THE ONES THAT, UM...

137
00:07:32,523 --> 00:07:36,557
THAT ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED
THE HAIR DRYER IN THE TUB.

138
00:07:38,729 --> 00:07:42,892
YEAH, IT'S A...
VERY DARK DAY IN OUR FAMILY.

139
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:44,934
OKAY, KYLE, COME ON!

140
00:07:44,935 --> 00:07:46,536
SHAKE A LEG!

141
00:07:46,537 --> 00:07:47,637
COME ON, KYLE.

142
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:48,868
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

143
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,640
BYE.

144
00:07:50,641 --> 00:07:54,505
OKAY, BUDDY, LET'S GO!
WE'RE GOING TO YOUR FIRST GAME!

145
00:07:56,807 --> 00:08:01,210
THAT'S RIGHT, LOSERS!
FRONT ROW SEATS!

146
00:08:01,211 --> 00:08:04,754
HEY, HEY. SIT DOWN, WATCH THE
GAME. TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME.

147
00:08:04,755 --> 00:08:07,587
MINE NOW.

148
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:11,120
YEAH, SUNNY SKIES,
CUBS UP BY THREE...

149
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:14,764
I'M HERE WITH MY SON
AT HIS FIRST CUBS GAME,

150
00:08:14,765 --> 00:08:16,826
FIRST BASEBALL GAME EVER.

151
00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:19,068
WHY, CAN THIS DAY
GET ANY BETTER?

152
00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:22,732
I'M GONNA BE A BASEBALL PLAYER
WHEN I GROW UP.

153
00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,875
IT JUST GOT BETTER!

154
00:08:26,777 --> 00:08:28,638
HEADS UP!
I GOT IT!

155
00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:30,279
NO, NO, NO, DON'T DO THAT!
LET HIM CATCH IT!

156
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,982
LET HIM CATCH IT!
OW!

157
00:08:35,686 --> 00:08:37,747
HOLD ON, HOLD ON.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

158
00:08:37,748 --> 00:08:40,290
THE BALL HIT MY EYE!

159
00:08:41,552 --> 00:08:43,192
LET ME SEE, HONEY.

160
00:08:43,193 --> 00:08:44,524
OOH.

161
00:08:46,757 --> 00:08:48,958
UH, HERE'S A NICE
ICE COLD BEER.

162
00:08:48,959 --> 00:08:51,561
IT'LL MAKE YOUR EYE
FEEL MUCH BETTER.

163
00:08:51,562 --> 00:08:53,763
NO, DON'T DRINK IT!

164
00:08:53,764 --> 00:08:55,765
PUT IT UP
AGAINST YOUR EYE.

165
00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:58,067
NOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

166
00:08:58,068 --> 00:09:01,210
WE'RE GONNA GET THIS BABY
AUTOGRAPHED. OH, ANDY...

167
00:09:01,211 --> 00:09:03,773
AND YOU SAID THIS DAY
COULDN'T GET ANY BETTER.

168
00:09:03,774 --> 00:09:05,815
LOSERS!

169
00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:07,948
SIT DOWN, MAN!
SIT DOWN.

170
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,552
ALL RIGHT, COME HERE.
COME HERE, MY BOY.

171
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,954
LET'S SEE
IF THAT ICE HELPED.

172
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:15,955
OOH!
OOH!

173
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,556
YEAH, GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT, JIM.

174
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,188
HEY, HEY!
STAY RIGHT HERE.

175
00:09:19,189 --> 00:09:21,060
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

176
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,063
LOOK, ALL WE GOTTA DO
IS WALK IN THERE

177
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,035
AND DO EXACTLY WHAT
WE TALKED ABOUT,

178
00:09:26,036 --> 00:09:27,036
ALL RIGHT?

179
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,067
OKAY.

180
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,841
LOOK AT THAT...
MY SON'S FIRST CUBS GAME

181
00:09:31,842 --> 00:09:34,674
AND HIS FIRST SCHEME
WITH HIS DAD.

182
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,706
OH, BOY,
THEY GET OLD FAST.

183
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:39,208
BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
HE'LL BE HITTIN' A PARKED CAR

184
00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:41,652
AND NOT LEAVIN' A NOTE.

185
00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:44,914
HEY!

186
00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:45,915
HI.

187
00:09:45,916 --> 00:09:48,587
HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY AT...
(gasps)

188
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:52,021
OH, MY GOD,
WHAT HAPPENED?

189
00:09:52,022 --> 00:09:55,064
I GOT PUNCHED IN THE EYE
BY A BULLY.

190
00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:58,067
AWW, BABY...

191
00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,670
AWW, MAMA'S HERE.

192
00:10:00,671 --> 00:10:03,272
OKAY, ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
KYLE IN THE KITCHEN

193
00:10:03,273 --> 00:10:05,174
AND GET SOMETHING COLDER
FOR HIS EYE?

194
00:10:05,175 --> 00:10:06,936
LIKE A BEER?

195
00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:09,608
A BEER?

196
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:13,643
CHERYL, WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING
AT THAT SCHOOL, HUH?

197
00:10:13,644 --> 00:10:16,887
DO NOT TAKE ME DOWN WITH YOU,
I SWEAR TO GOD.

198
00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:22,191
MOMMY WILL BE RIGHT IN,
MY BRAVE, SWEET LITTLE MAN.

199
00:10:22,192 --> 00:10:25,354
I WANT BLOOD!
WHO DID THAT?

200
00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:27,056
THE BULLY.

201
00:10:27,057 --> 00:10:29,198
RONNIE HART?

202
00:10:29,199 --> 00:10:30,800
THAT'S THE ONE!

203
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:33,733
I KNEW IT.
I AM CALLING HIS MOTHER.

204
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,365
YOU KNOW, HER HUSBAND
OWNS A CAR DEALERSHIP.

205
00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:38,107
THEY THINK
THEY POOP SUNSHINE.

206
00:10:38,108 --> 00:10:40,109
CH-CH-CHERYL, I ALREADY
TALKED TO THE MOTHER.

207
00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:41,711
AND MAY I REMIND YOU,

208
00:10:41,712 --> 00:10:43,212
PLAYGROUND BATTLES
ARE MY TERRITORY.

209
00:10:43,213 --> 00:10:46,046
I DON'T CARE! I REALLY
FEEL LIKE... VETO!

210
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,220
YOU CAN'T VETO ME.

211
00:10:51,221 --> 00:10:52,221
YES, I CAN.

212
00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:53,683
V...

213
00:10:53,684 --> 00:10:56,086
TOE.

214
00:10:58,128 --> 00:11:00,790
CHERYL, IF YOU KEEP
STEPPING IN LIKE THIS,

215
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:02,792
THE KIDS ARE GONNA
CALL HIM A MAMA'S BOY,

216
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:05,164
AND IT'S GONNA FOLLOW HIM
THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

217
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,336
ASK ANDY.

218
00:11:07,337 --> 00:11:10,669
BUT...
BUT HIS LITTLE EYE...

219
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,173
MY VETO HAS SPOKEN.

220
00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:16,746
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

221
00:11:16,747 --> 00:11:18,908
VEGGIE TACOS.

222
00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:21,911
IS THAT THE TRUTH,
OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT

223
00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:23,753
'CAUSE YOU WANT ME
TO SWITCH MY VETO?

224
00:11:23,754 --> 00:11:25,755
CURSES!

225
00:11:25,756 --> 00:11:26,817
MM-HMM.

226
00:11:29,159 --> 00:11:31,120
OKAY, BUDDY,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO SAY

227
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:33,262
IF ANYBODY ASKS YOU
ABOUT YOUR BLACK EYE?

228
00:11:33,263 --> 00:11:35,464
"YOU SHOULD SEE
THE OTHER GUY."

229
00:11:35,465 --> 00:11:37,927
THAT'S MY BOY.

230
00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:39,198
HI.
GOOD MORNING.

231
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,732
MMM, DURN, GIRL,
IT IS NOW.

232
00:11:45,335 --> 00:11:49,338
EW, THERE ARE ANTS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

233
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:53,482
WHAT KIND OF WEIRD KID
EATS HIS PUDDING IN THE BUSHES?

234
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,014
SHH!

235
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:58,017
THAT RONNIE HART BETTER
STAY AWAY FROM MY KYLE.

236
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,488
WHAT HAPPENED TO
KYLE'S EYE?

237
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:01,090
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

238
00:12:01,091 --> 00:12:03,492
WHEN HE GOT THE NEWS THAT
HIS AUNT WAS GONNA PULL THROUGH,

239
00:12:03,493 --> 00:12:06,155
HE GOT ALL WORKED UP
AND JUST RAN INTO A WALL.

240
00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,998
YEAH, WE GOT A COUPLE OF THOSE.

241
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:09,999
OH.

242
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,131
HEY, UH, TEACH, UM...

243
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,104
I'M HAVIN' TROUBLE
WITH THE ALPHABET.

244
00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:17,167
I KEEP TRYING TO PUT
"U" AND "I" TOGETHER.

245
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,213
(Cheryl)
HEY, HEY, JIM'S LEAVING.

246
00:12:24,214 --> 00:12:28,277
AHH! KYLE'S TALKING TO
THAT DEMON SPAWN RONNIE!

247
00:12:28,278 --> 00:12:29,979
IS THAT A BLACK EYE?

248
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:32,952
YOU SHOULD SEE
THE OTHER GUY.

249
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,824
CAN I LOOK?

250
00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:36,485
HEY, HEY!

251
00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:39,228
HEY, GET YOUR HANDS
OFF MY KID, BUSTER!

252
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:40,289
GO!

253
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,161
COOL.
WANNA BE BEST FRIENDS?

254
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,232
(Cheryl)
HEY, HEY, HEY!

255
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:45,965
GET AWAY FROM MY SON,
YOU LITTLE MONSTER!

256
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,167
MOMMY!

257
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,238
LISTEN UP.

258
00:12:49,239 --> 00:12:52,271
ANY ONE OF YOU
TOUCHES MY LITTLE ANGEL,

259
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,904
I'M GONNA GO BOOK OF REVELATIONS
ON ALL OF YA!

260
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,475
EVERYBODY GOT THAT?

261
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,348
CHERYL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING TO MY SON?

262
00:12:59,349 --> 00:13:01,811
ENDING HIS
REIGN OF TERROR, MARGE.

263
00:13:01,812 --> 00:13:03,913
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

264
00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:05,915
OH, SHE'S STONEWALLING YOU,
CHERYL.

265
00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:07,857
OH, OH, IS THAT IT?
YOU STONEWALLING ME, LADY?

266
00:13:07,858 --> 00:13:09,258
YOU STONEWALLING ME?

267
00:13:09,259 --> 00:13:13,122
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
AND WHO IS THIS?

268
00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:14,323
I'M KYLE'S AUNT.

269
00:13:14,324 --> 00:13:15,995
OH, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

270
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,127
I'M FINE, THANKS.
HOW ARE YOU?

271
00:13:18,128 --> 00:13:19,929
EXCUSE ME!

272
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:23,802
WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT
HOW YOUR SON ATTACKED KYLE?

273
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,074
WHAT?
WHAT?

274
00:13:25,075 --> 00:13:27,076
YOUR HUSBAND PICKED KYLE UP
RIGHT AFTER DROP OFF

275
00:13:27,077 --> 00:13:29,008
TO VISIT YOU
IN THE HOSPITAL.

276
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,240
WHAT...

277
00:13:35,185 --> 00:13:37,386
EXCUSE ME.

278
00:13:37,387 --> 00:13:39,989
KYLE, HONEY...

279
00:13:39,990 --> 00:13:43,192
DID DADDY TAKE YOU TO
A BASEBALL GAME YESTERDAY?

280
00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,294
IS THAT WHY
YOU GOT THE BLACK EYE?

281
00:13:45,295 --> 00:13:47,497
YOU SHOULD SEE
THE OTHER GUY.

282
00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:58,367
HELLO, MY YOUNG BRIDE.

283
00:13:58,368 --> 00:14:00,509
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
I'VE BEEN THINKING.

284
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,972
YOU ARE RIGHT.

285
00:14:02,973 --> 00:14:06,315
I THINK I'LL TAKE KYLE
TO THE CUBS GAME SATURDAY...

286
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,847
WHEN IT'S APPROPRIATE.

287
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,120
OH, THAT'S GOOD, HONEY.

288
00:14:11,121 --> 00:14:14,284
THEN MAYBE ANOTHER FOUL BALL
CAN HIT HIS OTHER EYE.

289
00:14:42,652 --> 00:14:45,185
CURSES!

290
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,288
ANDY?

291
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,920
NO.

292
00:14:50,921 --> 00:14:53,192
KYLE!

293
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,223
NO.

294
00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,225
GRACIE? RUBY?

295
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,267
HOW WOULD THEY
EVEN KNOW?

296
00:14:58,268 --> 00:15:00,499
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU KNOW!

297
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,502
I TOLD YOU NOT TO TAKE KYLE
TO THAT GAME.

298
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,234
AND YOU DID IT ANYWAY!

299
00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:08,377
I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL
OUT OF MYSELF

300
00:15:08,378 --> 00:15:11,040
IN FRONT OF RONNIE'S MOTHER
AND KYLE'S TEACHER.

301
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,282
I JUST...
I AM BESIDE MYSELF!

302
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:14,443
ALL RIGHT, CHERYL, LOOK.

303
00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:16,315
I KNOW I DON'T HAVE
A DEFENSE HERE...

304
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,916
WAIT A MINUTE.

305
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,649
WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT
THE SCHOOL THIS MORNING?

306
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:23,993
BEING A RESPONSIBLE PARENT.

307
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:26,395
SOMEBODY TOLD ME
KYLE HAD A BULLY PROBLEM.

308
00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:28,397
YEAH, BUT THAT SOMEBODY
ALSO TOLD YOU

309
00:15:28,398 --> 00:15:30,129
THAT THE BULLY PROBLEM
WAS HANDLED.

310
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,231
THERE WAS NO BULLY PROBLEM!

311
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,532
DOESN'T MATTER.

312
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:37,706
I GAVE YOU A VETO,
AND YOU COMPLETELY IGNORED IT!

313
00:15:37,707 --> 00:15:40,309
I AM BESIDE MYSELF.

314
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:41,510
OH...

315
00:15:41,511 --> 00:15:43,372
I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU
NOT TO TALK TO

316
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:45,975
THE BULLY'S MOM
OR THE TEACHER.

317
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:48,517
YOU SPECIFICALLY
MADE THE WHOLE THING UP!

318
00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:51,020
DOESN'T MATTER!

319
00:15:51,021 --> 00:15:53,382
IF I MADE UP SOMEBODY
AND YOU KILLED HIM,

320
00:15:53,383 --> 00:15:56,085
IT WOULD STILL BE MURDER!

321
00:15:56,086 --> 00:15:59,488
AND THAT'S NOT ME, CHERYL.
THAT'S THE LAW TALKING.

322
00:15:59,489 --> 00:16:02,491
YEAH, WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE
THE BEER TALKING.

323
00:16:02,492 --> 00:16:05,264
OH, WHAT,
I CAN'T UNWIND

324
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,536
WITH A QUICK ONE
AFTER WORK ANYMORE?

325
00:16:07,537 --> 00:16:11,000
YOU LET OUR SON
SKIP HIS FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

326
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:13,472
YOU ARE GONNA MAKE OUR SON
INTO A MAMA'S BOY.

327
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,074
NO, I AM NOT.

328
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,605
IF ANYTHING, YOU'RE TEACHING
HIM TO BE IRRESPONSIBLE.

329
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,977
COME ON,
HE WENT TO ONE GAME.

330
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,680
OH, I JUST... I CAN'T EVEN
TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.

331
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,711
I'M LEAVING.

332
00:16:22,712 --> 00:16:25,084
CHALLENGE!

333
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,516
GROUNDS?

334
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:30,459
YOU STORMED OUT OF THE ROOM
LAST TIME.

335
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:32,061
IT'S MY TURN.

336
00:16:32,062 --> 00:16:33,663
CHALLENGE UPHELD.

337
00:16:39,069 --> 00:16:41,071
(groans)

338
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,179
COULDN'T SLEEP, HUH?

339
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,441
NO.

340
00:16:52,442 --> 00:16:54,012
YOU WANT A SNACK?

341
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,013
NO.

342
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,247
YOU WANT TO
MAKE ME A SNACK?

343
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:16,136
(gasps)

344
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:18,267
KYLE?

345
00:17:18,268 --> 00:17:20,239
HEY, DAD.

346
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,810
WANT SOME EGGS?

347
00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,813
BUT YOU'RE A FIGMENT
OF MY IMAGINATION.

348
00:17:24,814 --> 00:17:26,545
ARE THOSE EGGS REAL?

349
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,079
10 BUCKS SAYS
YOU'LL EAT 'EM EITHER WAY.

350
00:17:31,321 --> 00:17:33,282
YOU WIN AGAIN, IMAGINATION.

351
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:37,126
WOW, THESE REALLY LOOK GOOD.

352
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:39,428
OH, MY GOD.
YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT.

353
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:41,360
YOU ARE A FRY COOK.

354
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,693
NO, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE
MY DEAR OLD DAD SOME EGGS

355
00:17:44,694 --> 00:17:47,266
FOR GETTING ME FRONT ROW SEATS
TO MY FIRST CUBS GAME.

356
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,737
I KNEW IT!

357
00:17:48,738 --> 00:17:51,400
BASEBALL'S THE GREATEST.
I'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT, TOO.

358
00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:54,072
REALLY?
ARE YOU IN THE BIGS?

359
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,805
HEY, ARE YOU GONNA BUY ME
A NEW HOUSE?

360
00:17:56,806 --> 00:17:58,477
DO I HAVE A BOAT?

361
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,479
NAH, I GOT CUT FROM
MY HIGH SCHOOL TEAM

362
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,151
FOR SKIPPING PRACTICE.

363
00:18:02,152 --> 00:18:04,513
WELL, KYLE, WHAT DID YOU
SKIP PRACTICE FOR?

364
00:18:04,514 --> 00:18:06,515
'CAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD
GET AWAY WITH IT.

365
00:18:06,516 --> 00:18:08,417
YOU KNOW,
I'M GOOD AT BASEBALL,

366
00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:10,420
BUT I'M EVEN BETTER AT SCHEMES.

367
00:18:13,363 --> 00:18:15,764
PROBABLY GET THAT
FROM ME, HUH?

368
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:17,796
MMM...

369
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:22,100
(Woman) BUT THE ONLY HOPE
FOR OUR LOVE NOW IS...

370
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,232
PORTUGAL.

371
00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:26,235
(sobs)

372
00:18:26,236 --> 00:18:28,438
I LOVE THIS MOVIE.

373
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,740
KYLE?

374
00:18:31,741 --> 00:18:33,412
YEAH, IT'S ME.

375
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,184
YOU KNOW,
I DID A TERM IN PORTUGAL

376
00:18:35,185 --> 00:18:36,585
STUDYING FOR MY PhD.

377
00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:39,688
(gasps)

378
00:18:39,689 --> 00:18:43,423
THAT'S 'CAUSE EDUCATION
WAS MY TERRITORY.

379
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:48,327
AND NOW YOU HAVE A PhD.

380
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,728
OH, NO, I DON'T.

381
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,330
I WROTE MY THESIS,

382
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,833
BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE
TO DEFEND IT FOR ME.

383
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,407
THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE
STOPPED YOU.

384
00:18:58,408 --> 00:19:00,409
THAT'S WHAT
MY ADVISOR SAID.

385
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:01,670
(explosion)

386
00:19:01,671 --> 00:19:02,911
WHOA!
OH!

387
00:19:02,912 --> 00:19:05,474
SCARY PART!
SCARY PART!

388
00:19:05,475 --> 00:19:07,446
WOW.

389
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,147
IS IT OVER?

390
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,780
I REALLY SCREWED YOU UP,
DIDN'T I?

391
00:19:11,781 --> 00:19:14,183
I REALLY SCREWED YOU UP,
DIDN'T I?

392
00:19:14,184 --> 00:19:15,254
NO.

393
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,825
YOU'RE REALLY FUN.

394
00:19:16,826 --> 00:19:18,927
AND YOU TAUGHT ME
ABOUT BEING A GUY.

395
00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:20,759
WELL, THANK YOU.

396
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,262
BUT, YOU KNOW,
LET'S FACE IT.

397
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,835
IF ALL I HAD WAS YOU,
I'D BE A COMPLETE DISASTER.

398
00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:32,170
FAIR ENOUGH.

399
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,903
WELL, SEE, MOST OF THE TIME YOU
TEACH ME ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY.

400
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,846
AND YOU GIVE ME COMFORT
AND SECURITY TO TRY NEW THINGS.

401
00:19:37,847 --> 00:19:39,948
THANK YOU.

402
00:19:39,949 --> 00:19:43,483
BUT YOU GOTTA LEARN
HOW TO LET GO SOMETIMES.

403
00:19:45,615 --> 00:19:48,657
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK YOU
AND DAD SHOULD WORK TOGETHER.

404
00:19:48,658 --> 00:19:50,188
YOU BALANCE EACH OTHER,

405
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,691
LIKE THE CHINESE PRINCIPLE
OF YIN AND YANG.

406
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,563
RIGHT.
YEAH.

407
00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:57,726
YOU'RE LIKE
PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.

408
00:19:57,727 --> 00:20:00,469
WAIT A MINUTE.
ONE MORE TIME?

409
00:20:00,470 --> 00:20:03,532
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO IN
THE LIVING ROOM AND TALK TO MOM?

410
00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:05,834
I'M NOT GONNA
DO THAT, KYLE.

411
00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:08,577
OH, COME ON, DAD.

412
00:20:08,578 --> 00:20:10,810
FOR ME.

413
00:20:16,446 --> 00:20:18,216
YOU GONNA GET THESE?

414
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,950
OH, SOMEONE WILL.

415
00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:24,754
THAT'S MY BOY.

416
00:20:26,656 --> 00:20:27,996
OH.

417
00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:29,728
HEY.

418
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,729
HEY.

419
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,431
UH, CHERYL,
WE NEED TO TALK.

420
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,665
I KNOW. WE DO.
I WAS WRONG.

421
00:20:36,966 --> 00:20:39,668
OH.

422
00:20:39,669 --> 00:20:42,311
WELL...

423
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:44,473
APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

424
00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:46,415
PLEASE, COME ON.

425
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:48,818
LET'S JUST GO TO BED.

426
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:54,753
WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

427
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:59,688
UH, MAYBE I MIGHT'VE...

428
00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:04,334
BEEN A LITTLE
LESS THAN RIGHT, TOO.

429
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,996
AWW, THANK YOU.

430
00:21:07,997 --> 00:21:09,869
AWW.

431
00:21:11,641 --> 00:21:13,872
YOU KNOW, KYLE TOLD ME
YOU GAVE HIM A BEER.

432
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,645
I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE.
UH-HUH.

433
00:21:16,646 --> 00:21:17,706
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

434
00:21:17,707 --> 00:21:19,678
YOU GIVE 'EM A SIP NOW,
THEY HATE IT.

435
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,650
WHEN THEY GROW UP,
THEY DON'T WANT ANY.

436
00:21:21,651 --> 00:21:24,483
THAT'S WHAT MY DAD
DID FOR ME.

437
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:28,457
ALL RIGHT, WORKING TOGETHER
IS PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA.

438
00:21:28,458 --> 00:21:30,460
YEAH.